I thought for a very long time that love was contingent on action, that my actions caused love or the lack thereof.
Then, for a long time, I thought that real love did not have conditions, ties, binds or restrictions. There's a freedom in that. A freedom to knowing that I deserve love and can be loved for simply being, existing, living. I'd see people working, working, working, and working some more, in order, I thought, to gain love. In order, to feel worthy enough. When, really, I thought, all they had to do was be. When, really, I thought, all they had to do was breathe.
Yet ... now I wonder. I've thought and I've re-thought, analyzed and re-analyzed. Maybe it is not one or the other, but both. Part of loving someone is loving both who they are and what they do.
A tiny corner of me cries at the thought. The tender, healing part of me that wants to be loved for simply being. Not for acting or not acting. Not for action or inaction. Not for achievements or awards.
But for simply being me.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....
Hello, dear Anna, friend whom I think of often. But loving you for simply being you--isn't that what true love is? I, for one at least, love you that way.
Thanks, jfh :) I think of you often, also, and love you immensely!
I found this piece of writing on my computer the other day and decided to post it. I wrote it at some point last year, but the urgency of the issue has receded considerably. Part of who we are is what we do, I suppose, so the situation gets muddy. But the person in my life who was screwing with my head -- and most decidedly did not love me unconditionally -- is gone, and that changes so many things in my life for the better. :)
I used to think Love was contingent on action once too; now I think it's contingent on compromise.
It makes me smile to think of this, but maybe it depends on your love language. For example, if I was with someone who was "Receiving Gifts," I'd feel obligated to buy things for my boyfriend, putting pressure on me, which would put a strain on the relationship. No fun.
On the other hand, if I was with a "Quality Time" guy, well I could relax and be myself. I could then presumably be loved for just being, like you said. Of course, that's assuming I don't scare the poor guy off by just being myself...
Andy: Is love contingent on compromise or is having a (healthy) relationship contingent on compromise? Just wondering...
Brian: The Love Languages! I forgot about them. How could I have done that? Still, I'm thinking this is more about the relationship and less about the emotion, if that makes sense.
Post a Comment